Imposter Syndrome - What if everyone finds out I am blagging it?
What is Imposter Syndrome? What can I do if I think I have it?
I have to start with a confession. Full disclosure
I confess I have been meaning to write this blog post for about nine months. It has been sitting in draft on my website since January. But every time I sat down to write it, a little voice in my head would say ‘you don’t have anything original to say about this’ or ‘so-and-so wrote about this the other day, maybe they are the expert’ or ‘why would anyone want to hear this from you’ or, possibly worse still ‘what if noone even bothers to read it?’*
Because, of course, imposter syndrome.
The nagging inner critic who sits on your shoulder and tells you to stay in your box, stay in your comfort zone, don’t try anything new, no-one will like it, everyone is doing it better than you. You’ll get found out as the fraud your voice keeps reminding you.
I know mine very well. His name is Negative Nigel (no offence to the actual Nigels out there. I am sure you are all wonderful, positive, supportive human beings). He is like the whiny, nasal toddler trying to get icecream. You don’t want to listen to him, but his voice cuts through you, and keeps going, getting louder and louder until you finally give in and get him a choc ice. But that’s your first mistake. As soon as the toddler has had the icecream, he knows that whining at you works. And he does it again. And again.
Nigel and I are so well acquainted, and because I have been desperate to get rid of him, and also because I feel the need to research everything so I don’t feel like … a fraud… I know a lot about imposter syndrome. A lot. I will go so far as to say I am an expert. Gulp.
Here’s the science bit. Concentrate
So, what is imposter syndrome?
It is a psychological term referring to a pattern of behavior where people doubt their accomplishments and have a persistent, often internalized fear of being exposed as a fraud.
Not an actual disorder, the term was coined by clinical psychologists Pauline Clance and Suzanne Imes in 1978, when they found that despite having adequate external evidence of accomplishments, people with imposter syndrome remained convinced that they don’t deserve the success they have.
And there, of course, is the irony. The behaviour was first observed in high-achieving women. Which in the 1970s was less common. They were highly educated, highly motivated and had achieved so much in their careers. But still felt like frauds.
One common denominator in those women, and in those people who suffer, is often that they are, or feel like they are in a minority. Race, sex, religion, economic background, or simply that they were the ‘arty’ one in a family full of lawyers and accountants. You know. Proper Jobs.
An element of feeling like an outsider. Nigel loves it when you feeling off-kilter. That’s when he jumps in to remind you.
Who the hell is Nigel anyway?
It seems like a ridiculous thing to listen to, doesn’t it. A part of your brain that stops you doing the things you want to do, or stretch further and do better. Not very Darwin-ist.
But actually, Nigel has been with us for years. When we were cavemen, Nigel kept us alive.
When caveman left the cave to hunt, they would be on high alert for danger, full of adrenaline. Nigel was also on high alert and would tell the caveman when he was in danger - ‘don’t go in there, there’s might be a bear’. ‘Don’t run that way, there may be a 50ft drop’. Adrenaline and that fight or flight response are Nigel’s wake-up calls.
But there are no sabre-tooth tigers wandering the leafy streets of Ascot. We don’t have the same highs and lows of adrenaline. What has replaced it is a constant, low level of stress. The stresses of every day life. Work, juggling childcare, traffic, worrying about elderly parents, queuing for anything.
So Nigel is always on high alert. Ready to jump if you try anything out of the ordinary. Or push yourself or try to put your head above the warm duvet of your comfort zone.
And as we know, the more we listen, the louder he gets.
How do I know if I have imposter syndrome?
Well, if you have got this far in this post, chances are you already have an inkling.
But here are some common symptoms:
You worry that you will not live up to expectations
Worry that you will be ‘found out’ as a fraud
Work extra hard to make yourself feel less fraudulent
Getting stuck in the imposter cycle - working harder to show that you are not a fraud, setting yourself too many goals or tasks to prove the point, feeling overwhelmed, not achieving all the billion tasks you have set yourself, thereby proving you are inadequate and a fraud. (one of my faves)
Procrastination (if you don’t do it, you can’t fail at it, right?)
Self sabotage (again, proving Nigel right)
Attributing success to outside factors ‘They were a great audience’, ‘I got lucky with timing’, ‘I wouldn’t have done it without X’
Attributing any failure, however small, to your own personal failings, irrespective of the truth ‘I knew I shouldn’t have gone for that promotion/raise/award, I wasn’t good enough’
Comparitis - comparing yourself to someone you see as ‘better’ or more successful.
If these symptoms are feeling a little too close for comfort, you are not alone. 70% of us admit to suffering from it. Many of the most successful people are in that 70% - David Bowie, Maya Angelou, Sheryl Sandberg, Ariana Huffington, Tom Hanks, Emma Watson, Serena Williams (yes, really. She compared herself constantly to Venus), Lady Gaga.
Even Gallup’s most admired woman, Michelle Obama, has been very vocal about her imposter syndrome.
You are in very good company.
How to deal with your imposter
The bit you came here for.
How do you quieten that voice and get out and do the thing you want to? To put your writing out there, to apply for the award, to go for the promotion. To write the sodding blog post.
Nigel, the toddler, gets louder and more sure of himself when you listen. You prove him right.
So, (and this will sound ridiculously simple, but go with it) don’t listen.
Or rather listen, and do it anyway. Feel that fear.
The best way to stop feeling like an imposter is to stop thinking like an imposter.
take a deep breath
hear Nigel and his concerns
do it anyway
turn round to Nigel and show him it was OK
And then do it again. And again. The more you can use your rational brain to tell Nigel he is worrying unnecessarily, the more evidence you have that you are not, in fact, a fraud, and the more confident you will become.
Confidence is a muscle, after all.
There is no magic pill to get rid of it, but you can definitely do it. You can.
I believe in you. (And I know, soon enough, you will believe in you, too)
If you would like to chat more to me one on one about this, please click here to set up a free discovery call.
Here’s why I think Nigel can also be your best friend. Step 2, if you will.
* and of course, when I talk to people about this, turns out I do know what I am talking about.